A sweet moment between Bella and Edward turns out to be so much more. A B/E one shot
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A/N: Just a little something that was jumping around in my head. Also… this may or may not contain my first ever full out lemon (rated M for a reason)… *runs and hides in the corner*
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
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My eyes fluttered open and I awoke in our meadow. Soft beams of sunlight caressed my skin, warm and inviting. A smile fell across my lips and I sighed in contentment. I could feel him next to me, the glorious hum of electricity filling the air between us. I turned to Edward, immersing in the majesty of his face in the early morning light.
My hands slid easily under my cheek and my body curled, nestling into the soft mossy grass. Edward lay mirroring my position, and picked at the wild flowers pushing up through the earth. He seemed in deep concentration and I watched him in quiet awe. The copper of his hair danced and shimmered in the sun. I imagined the Gods themselves meticulously piecing Edward together, using a fine paintbrush to spread highlights carefully through his tresses.
Although I had just had a full night's sleep, I felt my eyes grow heavy while I stared lazily at Edward. My body and mind were in a state of complete relaxation; my limbs were heavy in that lovely tranquil way. I allowed my eyes to slide closed, images of Edward's nimble fingers lightly converging with the rutted pollen middles of the flowers played in my head. My mind wandered to the previous evening and all the places Edward had traced those languid fingers along my body.
I had trudged home after a particularly long day, only to find Edward waiting for me per usual. I dropped my bag on the floor and crossed the space between us quickly, throwing my body into his arms. The stress of the day immediately melted from my skin when I was in his arms.
"Bella, love, I missed you," he cooed into my ear as he trailed feather light kisses along the skin there. I breathed his scent in greedily through my nose, supplying me an instant rush.
"I missed you too," I sighed and laid my head against his chest, right in the nook that seemed to be carved out especially for me.
"Bad day?" he asked simply.
"Mmhmmm…"
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Na uh," I responded, closing my eyes - not in the mood to speak, just to feel.
"Can we just… be, no talking? I've had enough thinking I've had to do all day, I just want to be here, with you… is that okay?" I craned my head back and looked into his deep golden eyes. They looked refreshed; he must have gone hunting that day. He smiled sympathetically at me and nodded.
"Of course, love, whatever you want."
I pushed up on my toes and softly pressed my lips to his. Our reaction was always immediate; no matter how many times I had kissed that man, the intensity never dampened. Edward fed his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck, rubbing circles into the soft flesh there with his fingertips. The feeling was both soothing and tantalizing at the same time. My own hands brushed slowly up his arms as he leaned my head back to deepen our kiss. His tongue was inside my mouth, moving slowly, exploring.
Our bodies drew together, as if on matching magnetic fields. I walked slowly backward and Edward followed, our bodies never lost their solid connection. It never seemed to be enough with us; I wanted to curl my whole being into him. I would permanently fuse our souls together and maybe then the deep burning, the need would be satiated.
The backs of my knees met the bed and I allowed myself to fall onto it. Edward fell with me, all the while cradling my body with his arms, absorbing all of the impact. I was underneath him, his body pressed to mine, yet I felt none of his weight, only slight pressure and the delicious current that pulsed between us.
"I love you Edward Cullen," I said breathlessly as I pulled away to look into his eyes. The expression he returned was one I wanted to see everyday for the rest of my life. It was so full of love, so exponentially glorious in its reverence. His bright orbs were deep pools of sincerity as he smiled down at me and my heart quickened.
"As do I you, Isabella Cullen, more then you will ever know." He pulled his right hand from underneath me and pushed the soft pads of his fingertips along my hairline, brushing wayward hairs back into place.
"You have made me a better man; my life is not complete without you. You are mine and I am yours and we will be together forever." His words were like song lyrics, my own personal ballad, and I drank them in. I pushed thoughts of what together forever might mean for us, how it would be accomplished – those are things to worry about for another time. For now I wanted to focus on the miraculous creature that was professing himself to me.
"Oh, Edward, what did I do to deserve you?" I kissed up and down his fingers, along his arm and shoulder and then over to his face.
"I think you have that backwards," he chuckled softly.
I slowed my movements, making the kisses longer, more sensual. He hummed in response and I traced my tongue along his jaw line. Edward placed both hands on either side of my face and pulled his away, I whimpered in response.
"Hold very still," he instructed and I nodded and smiled, giddy at the game he wanted to play. He lifted my head so it was facing toward the ceiling. I felt the tip of his nose at my chin first and he nipped lightly with his lips. Painfully slow, he trailed nipping kisses and licks down my neck as his body slid with him. The feel of him against me drove me crazy and I struggled to stay as still as possible, knowing if I moved too much he would start all over.
His hands finally let my head free as they followed after his body and I relaxed my neck into a more comfortable position. He continued his light nuzzling and kissing overtop my shirt, directly down the middle of my body. Past my collarbone, between my breasts, and he was very careful not to touch the sensitive parts I yearned for him to grab. His nose stopped at button of my jeans, but his hands still moved slowly, catching up to his head.
Edward applied the slightest pressure with the balls of his palms and they drug over my shoulders. As they crested over my breasts I gasped, the anticipation and longing intensified the sensation ten fold. My nipples were erect and every single nerve ending ignited at the feel of his hands; despite the fact that it was through a shirt and a bra.
Edward's fingers tickled along my ribs and I bit hard into my lip, stifling a laugh and trying to keep my body from moving. Finally his hands met with his face and he dipped one long cool finger under the hem on my shirt, eliciting another gasp from within me. The wonderful torture continued as he leisurely lifted my shirt from my stomach, pushing his hands back up my body, the shirt moving with him.
My skin vibrated under his touch and then I felt his tongue licking circles at the edge of my jeans. His hands stopped just below the wire of my bra, and that halting coupled with his tongue on my skin so close to where I wanted it most was too much. I felt as if I might self combust and I whimpered.
"Edward…please." My voice was rough and laced with want. He laughed his sweet melodic laugh against my skin and I couldn't help but smile. I would take this kind of torture ever hour of every day. He sat up, his eyes hooded with a lustful expression and I lifted my body so that he could remove my shirt. His lips planted kisses on mine and I licked at his, showing my need.
Locked in another passionate kiss, Edward's movements became more frantic, more purposeful. He pulled the clasp of my bra open with the flick of two fingers and I giggled into his mouth as the garment fell between us. Then his lips were everywhere, feverishly, he kissed and licked along my collarbone and then down to my breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked lightly, pulling and elongating it. My hands fisted into his hair as my hips bucked involuntarily into the air.
I pulled at his hair as he sucked harder onto my nipple and took the other one in between his fingers, pinching lightly.
"Oh God, fuck … me… Edward…" The words came out in a slow moan before my brain had a chance to filter and he froze momentarily, glancing up at me his eyes blazed with passion. His face nuzzled back into my skin and his hands, even more frantic then before, popped the button open on my jeans and began to push them down my legs as he planted kisses down my stomach. I writhed beneath him, my skin on fire from his touch, the delicate skin in between my legs burned brilliantly for him.
Slowing his pace, Edward looked into my eyes, his chin resting between my legs as he gave me the most devilish grin and I squirmed. He pulled my black cotton underwear slowly from my hips, exposing the curly hair that covered me. The cool air hit between my thighs as he pulled the panties further down my legs, cooling the scorching skin there. Edward kissed slowly along my thigh and then planted one chaste kiss directly in the center of me. I sucked in a breath and concentrated on not moving.
The feel of his tongue against my clitoris shot arcs of light from my toes to my eyes and back down again. The room got brighter all at once, a white out of my vision, and my eyes rolled back in my head.
I moaned in response, my body's attempt to free some of the tension building. Edward hummed into me as he kissed and sucked at the most sensitive parts. I felt my stomach tightening, the muscles becoming rigid and my legs began to shake from the intensity.
"Oh, Edward…" I was pushing my hips up into him now and I could feel that I was close. He placed his hands on my hips, stilling them and moaned into me, vibrating my skin and that sent me over the edge. I plummeted into the deep sea of elation and rode out the waves that thrashed me mercilessly. Before I could come down from my high, Edward was on top of me, his eyes impossibly darker with lust, full of need and I kissed him deeply, tasting my arousal on his tongue.
"Bella," he sang, "I need you … now."
I pulled his shirt from over his head, only breaking our kiss for a split second and then our mouths were together again. My hands clambered down to his pants, no where nearly as elegant as his motions had been. The semsation of his cold marble chest, somehow soft, against my own skin stirred my own desires and I could feel that familiar need build in me again.
I panted against his mouth as I freed him of his pants and boxers.
Edward stared longingly into my eyes and I felt his long hard length against me, I lifted my hips to cause the wanted friction against him and he gasped at the feel of my warm moisture running along his erection. His hands moved behind my knees and he bent my legs, opening them wider.
"I love you Bella," he said breathlessly.
"I love you Edward," and I had never uttered truer words.
Then he was inside of me. Edward and I were one, the way our bodies always yearned for each other. We were a perfect fit as he pushed into me, stretching me, filling me. He moved rhythmically in and out and I raised my hips to meet his, creating more friction. The pressure of him inside of me was all encompassing; it sent waves of pleasure through my whole body. His motions quickened and I matched his pace, my muscles tightened again.
"Bella…" he moaned into my ear and the sound of his voice in such ecstasy – saying my name tipped the scale and I spilled over; sweet release flooded through me once more. Edward followed close behind and I felt him empty into me as I pulsed around him.
"Edward…" I whispered, "I love you." He kissed my nose and smiled down at me, an unfathomable expression in his eyes.
"I love you two Bella Cullen."
I opened my eyes to the meadow once again, and I stared up at wispy clouds, the sun past the highest point in the sky. I was startled that I had fallen back to sleep, and it now looked to be the afternoon. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up.
"Edward?" I said in a yawn and looked around disoriented.
"I love you Bella," he said, still looking at flowers that he had plucked from the earth, most now lay discarded on the ground around him. I looked over to him and smiled, but my smile faded when I saw his expression; he looked pained.
"Edward? What's wrong?" He sat idle, not responding and my breathing caught in my lungs. I yearned to go to him, to wrap myself around him and kiss his face, but something in his expression kept me rooted to the earth.
"Do you remember our wedding day?" He asked, his expression changed and a smile played on his lips.
"Yes," I responded simply, confused by his shift in moods. He looked up to me and then his gaze rested on the trees behind me, lost in thought. His smile broadened and he sighed, shaking his head.
"You looked so beautiful that day, I felt like the luckiest man on earth."
I felt me cheeks pink and I looked away, embarrassed but flattered.
"Thank you," I said meekly, picking at the hem of my blouse.
"You made me whole," he continued, "You took a broken beast and turned me back into a man… giving me a true reason to exist. Thank you Isabella, you mean more to me then you will ever know."
Tears welled in my eyes at his words. They were so sweet and meaningful, and yet I couldn't help feel that they were laced with sadness, but why? It sounded as if he was saying goodbye. My breathing accelerated at this thought and my hands began to sweat instantly.
"Edward, what is it, why are you telling me this?" My voice was panicked and I tried desperately to calm myself. He looked away from me and back to the flowers littered about his feet. He picked one up and placed it to his nose, inhaling.
"It's never the same," he muttered. My brain tried fast to decipher what he was saying, but it didn't seem to be able to keep up.
"I don't know what to do," he dropped his head into his hands and pulled at his hair.
"Edward, you're scaring me, what's happened… why don't you know what to do?" My heart was racing; it felt as if it might burst out of my chest.
"I need you to tell me what to do Bella, please." His voice was so pained and the tears poured from me. I tired desperately to move to him, to shake him, but I couldn't move from my spot. Whether it was from fear or shock, I was frozen in place.
"Edward, please, just talk to me, tell me what it is!" I shouted through my sobs, I felt close to hyperventilation.
"I miss you Bella." Edward collapsed into the ground then, his shoulders heaving in dry broken sobs. He was crying, crying the only way a vampire could. My head was spinning, his words didn't make any sense and he was frightening me.
"I'm right here!" I shouted, and then made a movement towards him. My body didn't feel right, I felt disjointed as I rushed to Edward. I reached my hand out to grab his face and I passed straight through him, falling to the ground. I stared at the grass beneath me in disbelief. Why had he ghosted away from me? I pounded my fist into the ground angrily and sobbed harder. Then I heard his tearless sobs right at my side and I realized he hadn't moved. I sat up slowly and looked down at his broken form, crumpled to the ground.
"Edward?" I asked, but he did not respond.
"Edward, what is it?" I tried to make my voice soothing, and once again reached for him. I went to place my hand against his back, but instead I watched in horror as it passed through him completely.
"I need you Bella; I can't live without you… tell me what to do." He cried through exasperated sobs. Live without me. I scurried away from him, my chest heaving as I struggled for air. This can't be.
"Edward?" I tried again, only to be met with his quiet weeping. I felt my body go cold, all the feeling drained from it as realization over took me. Edward couldn't hear me, because I wasn't there… I was dead.
"No, no, no," I cried. "This can't be!!" My body collapsed to the ground only feet from Edwards and I beat my fists into the ground again.
"How did this happen?" I screamed at the top of my lungs and then Edward stopped weeping.
"Bella?" his voice came out a feeble moan and I barely heard him over my own cries.
"Edward… can you hear me!!" I shouted, moving closer to him. He sucked in a deep breath and sat up, looking to the sky.
"I feel you around me all the time. It's as if you're still here, but I can't see you."
"I am here, Edward, I'm right here!" I shrieked, hoping it would go through.
"The night you died I was so close to following right behind you… however possible, but – I couldn't…" he trailed off and I stared at him in disbelief.
"How, Edward? How did I die?" I was frustrated, why could I not remember my own death?
Edward sat quietly for a long time and the sun sank lower in the sky. After what seemed like hours I decided to try. I was here for a reason, if only to say goodbye, there had to be a way to get through to him. I thought of our ever present electrical current and wondered if that would be enough.
I made my way to him, sitting at his side and he instantly rested his weight in my direction. I lifted one hand slowly, the pale skin caught my eye and I examined it briefly. It didn't look any different to me, it wasn't translucent or even paler then normal, not the way I would expect a ghost to appear. Knowing I couldn't touch him, I kept my hand at the side of his face, holding my own muscles up. It was an odd feeling at first, trying to hold my own weight in one spot where you would expect resistance. Then slowly, I began to feel that familiar hum. Edward leaned his head into where my hand would be and he smiled.
"I feel you now, are you there now Bella?" My lungs tightened around a sharp intake of air as I sucked in a large breath, he felt me.
"Yes, yes, I'm right here!" I began to cry again, the totality of everything settled on my shoulders as I thought; never again will I touch this man, feel his skin beneath my fingers, or feel the full hum that would pass between us. I'll never feel his soft hair in my hands or his lips against mine. He would live forever and I was dead - not even the hope of an afterlife to rely on. Edward frowned slightly and sighed, and I felt a fresh wave of pain for him.
I couldn't imagine how he must have felt, he didn't really know if I was there, and I could see it on his features that he thought he was fooling himself.
I had to do something to let him know for sure, but what? I steeled my nerves and moved my body directly over his, sitting where he was sitting but facing him. I curled my knees into my chest and hugged them as if I was hugging him and spoke.
"Edward, I'm right here, I love you so much and I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore." I tried to hold it together as best as possible, focusing my energy outward, into him. I felt the slight hum grow and blossom into a current that passed back and forth between us and Edward gasped.
"Bella," he said in disbelief. "Is that you?"
I smiled and focused every ounce of energy I had out of my body. I imagined it in ribbons of white. Pushing out from my body and curling itself around Edward, hugging and soothing him where I no longer could.
"I feel warm," he whispered.
"I love you." I said as I closed my eyes, and felt the intensity grow. Edward gasped again and then he let out another broken dry sob.
"I love you too Bella."
I froze, he had heard me? Elation filled every pore of my being and the electricity between us buzzed to life at full wattage. I sat back slightly, trying not to loose the connection, but wanting to see his face. I held out my hands so they still 'touched' him and slid backward. I was happy that I could still feel the full intensity of the connection.
"Edward, can you hear me?" I tired and he smiled as his eyes closed.
"Yes, Bella I can hear you." His voice was once again musical, soothing me in everyway.
"I'm sitting right in front of you; my hands are touching your chest." He lifted his hands and placed them directly over mine on his chest. I could almost feel his soft skin against mine and tears pricked my eyes again. No, I can't cry, I need to keep my energy on him.
"Bella, I have missed you so…"
My stomach knotted at his words, I had just only come to this revelation, how long had he beared this burden of living without me?
"How long?" was all I could get out. He took a deep breath and cast his face downward.
"Eight months, I come here everyday hoping to… well I don't know what I've been hoping for." I tried desperately not to cry; 8 months, how could that be?
"How did it happen?" I choked out, and then reminded myself I had to focus if I wanted to keep talking to him. He frowned then and seemed to be thinking of what to tell me.
"You don't know?" he asked.
"No."
"What do you remember?"
"My last memory is of us after we came back from our honeymoon." My voice sounded weary and I began to feel drained from pushing my energy outward.
"That's the last thing you remember? You were still alive long after our honeymoon." He sounded confused and he opened his eyes, it looked like he was looking right at me.
"Can you see me?" I asked.
"No," he said and he looked like he might break again. "Oh, Bella I wish I could, I want to look into those deep brown eyes, I want to kiss your soft skin, I want to see your cheeks flush crimson."
My heart broke for him and I knew I was at least blessed to be able to look into his eyes once more.
My brain tried desperately to scrape for memories; I was alive long after our honeymoon? My last memory was only a few days after we returned. I felt my energy wavering, my connection growing weak and that caused me to become flustered, feeling our time slipping away.
"Edward, how long was it after our honeymoon, weeks, months, years?"
"Months," he said and I lost it, the air leaving my lungs. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, months? I was missing months of my last memories with Edward, it wasn't fair.
"Why!" I cried, not necessarily to Edward, but to whatever God had granted us that last time together. To whatever being had allowed me to wake there, in that meadow, with that man… why?!
"Bella, what did you say I can't hear you very well anymore." He sounded a little frantic as well and I could feel my hold slipping.
"Edward I love you, I will always love you!" I shouted in between sobs.
"Oh Bell," he cried, "I love you with all of my heart and soul, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry, so sorry that I wasn't good enough." His dry weeping returned, letting a rush of emotion out that he seemed to have bottled up.
Then it was gone; the current - even the slight hum, I couldn't conjure it anymore. But I still sat huddle next to him, broken and completely drained. We both sat together and cried for a long time until the sun crested the horizon, casting long shadows of the forest across our bodies. Edward had calmed and I was tortured by the fact that he probably thought I had gone, yet I sat right at his side. Is this what it will be like, will I be with him for eternity and he'll have no clue?
"Daddy?" I heard a small voice speak and my head snapped up. Oh God, he has a child? My brain was a kaleidoscope of thoughts as I tired to make sense of how this would be possible.
"Yes, Nessie?" Edward spoke, and I'd never heard his voice so soft, so gentle, and so neutering. I forced my gaze to his face, my mouth hung slack for lack of words. Edward was looking over my shoulder with an expression of happiness and wonder, only a tinge of sadness still traceable in his eyes.
"Why do you look so sad?" The child's voice was like wind chimes on a warm summer's day; dancing in the breeze, it's melody rising lightly through the air. I swallowed, trying to force the lump that had formed from my throat.
"I'm happy now that you're here." Edward cooed soothingly to his child. His child; my brain refused to process that information. How could Edward have a child? Slowly, I turned my body and moved my gaze to fall on the child that had spoken.
My eyes grew wide as I took in the small frame of the girl standing less than 5 feet behind me. She was beautiful, more than beautiful - she looked like an angle. Her hair fell in soft delicate ringlets down her back, capturing rays of the sun and copper danced through the strands like Edward's. She had Edward's straight perfect nose, but her face was soft and round unlike Edward's sharp cut features.
Her skin was a light ivory color and it looked soft and pliable, unlike Edward's marbled skin. I took in each feature slowly, individually trying to place each one. She looked to be about four years old, and although she shared Edward's ungodly beauty, I watched in astonishment as a slight blush pinked her round cheeks. She skipped lightly towards us and
I drew in an audible breath when I examined her eyes. Like her coloring skin, they were not a vampire's eyes. They were big and round and held a very familiar feeling as I stared into their deep chocolate pools. Tears pricked my own eyes and I felt a hollow sob emit from my chest as my brain finally allowed me to see the truth. Those were Charlie's eyes – they were my eyes.
This was our daughter.
I let my walls crumble as the small girl trotted over to Edward and dropped into his lap. The tears came furiously as I watched him hold her and she nestled deep into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and breathed her in, contentment covering his face.
"Edward?" I wept, hoping he might hear me, but I knew the buzz was missing and he wouldn't.
"What were you doing here?" The girl asked Edward.
"I was talking with Mommy." The child's eyes grew wide at his words and I looked on breathlessly as tears filled them.
"Mommy?" she whispered.
"Yes Renesme, she was here and I spoke with her." Edward's voice was sad, but apparently thankful for the fleeting moments we spoke.
"Renesme…" I whimpered and a fresh round of tears spilled over. We named our daughter Renesme, how beautiful.
"Do you think I could talk to Mommy?" Renesme asked timidly, wiping the tears from her eyes. Edward held her tighter and sighed into her hair, unsure what to say. I watched in amazement as that fragile little girl steeled herself and prepared for his response. She was so strong, I could already see that.
I needed to be that strong, for her. Just as I felt there was a reason I was able to communicate with Edward, there had to be a way – my daughter needed to know I love her. I stood and walked to where they sat, placing myself as if my knees would be touching Edward's. I closed my eyes and took in deep breaths, concentrate. I focused on pushing all of my energy outward towards them and I reached my arms out, placing them at either of their chests. I felt the light hum and it fortified me more, I can do this.
I pushed harder and felt the energy grow again; I could feel it like a bubble now. I could
force it outward around them, but I couldn't push too hard or it would pop, snapping back into me. Once I felt the energy cover over both of them I smiled and drew in a cleansing breath as I opened my eyes. I heard Edward pull in a breath first and hold it, not wanting to alarm Renesme. Then I saw her eyes widen again and she looked into Edward's face.
"What is that?" she asked.
"What does it feel like?"
"My skin feels funny, and the air feels thicker."
Edward nodded at her and I took that as my cue.
"Renesme?" I said softly, not wanting to startle her. Her head shot up away from Edward's gaze and she searched the perimeter of the meadow. She looked back at Edward who was smiling down at her.
"Go ahead, its okay." He encouraged.
"M..mommy?" she asked and my heart both broke and soared at the same time. This was my daughter, I was her mother. A million thoughts fluttered through my head of why I didn't remember, why 8 months later was I being aloud this time and I pushed them out of my mind. I needed to focus on them because I felt with the waning light of day that our time was coming to an end.
"Yes baby, I'm right in front of you." Tears fell effortlessly from my eyes. Renesme held her hand out to where I was and I was unprepared for what happened next. All at once the energy level spiked and I felt the bubble harden, then my head was filled with visions.
I saw what looked to be the inside of a womb and the loving thoughts and words I would croon to her. I saw my face, hallow and dying, kiss her and tell her I loved her. I saw Edward standing over my lifeless body, praying out loud for it to 'not be too late' and for the transformation to have worked. I gasped as I realized these visions were from Renesme's point of view; these were the things she had seen.
I saw The Cullen family; Rosalie and Alice's smiling faces. I saw her playing with Jacob and Carlisle giving her routine check-ups to chart her rapid growth. I saw Edward reading to her and humming her to sleep like he used to do for me. She had showed me everything I wanted to know and the picture had become clearer.
"Oh Renesme, I'm sorry I can't be there for you baby. I miss you terribly, but know that I love you more then anything." I was still crying and I looked at Edward then and saw the anguish on his face, he had seen what she had shown me too.
"I know Mommy," Renesme nodded and then showed a vision of me holding tightly onto her until the life passed from my body. Edward had tried to save me, to change me, but I had lost too much blood and it was too late.
"Edward," I cried.
"Bella, I love you. We have the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. She's so much like you," he laughed through his sobs. "Whenever I find myself missing you too much all I have to do is look into her perfect face and tell her stories of you and it's like you're still here." Renesme rubbed her hand across Edwards's cheek and he kissed it.
"Bella, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I was too late… it was..."
"Edward – it's not your fault." I said with a new determination as I felt the walls of my bubble weakening.
"Listen I don't think I have much time left, but I want you to know one thing."
His shoulders slumped and he pressed his forehead against Renesme, borrowing strength from her.
"It wasn't your fault, don't blame yourself. I made the choice and I knew the consequences." As I spoke memories flooded back to me of the day I found out I was pregnant. The fights we had about the dangers. The day Edward heard Renesme's thoughts and fell in love with her too. It all came rushing back and I knew it was the right thing.
"And as I watch you with that beautiful little girl cradled in your lap, I know I made the right choice. I love you both so much and I want you both to remember that. I would give myself for either of again in a heartbeat." I had stopped crying now, feeling the truth to my words. I was past feeling sorry for myself and knew that I had given my life so that this little girl could live hers.
"Bella, I love you with all of my soul, and we will be together again someday."
The walls of my bubble wavered and the sun had almost set behind the earth, this was it, I could feel it. "I don't have much longer now."
I moved myself closer to them and rested my head on my legs. I felt terrified of what was going to happen to me next, where I would end up. But I knew to my core that if it meant those two could go on then I would be at peace. Edward was right, we would find each other again one day.
"Mommy, thank you, thank you for being so strong for me. Aunt Alice gave me a scrapbook with pictures of you and Daddy. I look at it everyday and I talk to you. You will always be in my heart, and I will love you always." She put her small chubby fingers against her mouth and kissed them releasing the kiss to me. I took it and placed it in my pocket to keep.
"You look at those pictures and remember that your Mommy loves you so much. If I ever can, I will come back to you, but no matter what I will always be watching over you."
"I will come back to this meadow everyday, if you can speak with me again, I'll be waiting." Edward said with an air of determination.
"No Edward, live your life. If I can make contact again I will find you, I promise. For now you have to know that I love you more then anything and I always will, no matter where I am." Holes began to form in the bubble and I grew weak, my body wanted to lie down and sleep.
"I love you, my sweet Bella. Don't forget what I told you; you made me whole, and you gave me something to live for." With that he kissed Renesme's head again and I knew it was true. He was a man who was alone and had nothing but an eternity to deal with it - he now had something, a reason to be.
I smiled and laid my head down on the soft grass once more. I felt myself slipping away and I knew it was time.
"I love you both so much," I whispered. Then I was floating into the air, as I watched the loves of my life embrace. A feeling of tranquility settled through me and I closed my eyes, letting go.
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A/N: So, I hope you all enjoyed this one shot. It was an idea that came to me, partly because I'm reading The Lovely Bones right now (read it, it's great). I definitely cried while I wrote parts of this. Please press review and let me know your thoughts, thanks lovelies!
P.S. only on chapter 4 of TLB, so if anyone's read it please don't give me any spoilers. k - thnx. :)
A/N: Just a little something that was jumping around in my head. Also… this may or may not contain my first ever full out lemon (rated M for a reason)… *runs and hides in the corner*
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
My eyes fluttered open and I awoke in our meadow. Soft beams of sunlight caressed my skin, warm and inviting. A smile fell across my lips and I sighed in contentment. I could feel him next to me, the glorious hum of electricity filling the air between us. I turned to Edward, immersing in the majesty of his face in the early morning light.
My hands slid easily under my cheek and my body curled, nestling into the soft mossy grass. Edward lay mirroring my position, and picked at the wild flowers pushing up through the earth. He seemed in deep concentration and I watched him in quiet awe. The copper of his hair danced and shimmered in the sun. I imagined the Gods themselves meticulously piecing Edward together, using a fine paintbrush to spread highlights carefully through his tresses.
Although I had just had a full night's sleep, I felt my eyes grow heavy while I stared lazily at Edward. My body and mind were in a state of complete relaxation; my limbs were heavy in that lovely tranquil way. I allowed my eyes to slide closed, images of Edward's nimble fingers lightly converging with the rutted pollen middles of the flowers played in my head. My mind wandered to the previous evening and all the places Edward had traced those languid fingers along my body.
I had trudged home after a particularly long day, only to find Edward waiting for me per usual. I dropped my bag on the floor and crossed the space between us quickly, throwing my body into his arms. The stress of the day immediately melted from my skin when I was in his arms.
"Bella, love, I missed you," he cooed into my ear as he trailed feather light kisses along the skin there. I breathed his scent in greedily through my nose, supplying me an instant rush.
"I missed you too," I sighed and laid my head against his chest, right in the nook that seemed to be carved out especially for me.
"Bad day?" he asked simply.
"Mmhmmm…"
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Na uh," I responded, closing my eyes - not in the mood to speak, just to feel.
"Can we just… be, no talking? I've had enough thinking I've had to do all day, I just want to be here, with you… is that okay?" I craned my head back and looked into his deep golden eyes. They looked refreshed; he must have gone hunting that day. He smiled sympathetically at me and nodded.
"Of course, love, whatever you want."
I pushed up on my toes and softly pressed my lips to his. Our reaction was always immediate; no matter how many times I had kissed that man, the intensity never dampened. Edward fed his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck, rubbing circles into the soft flesh there with his fingertips. The feeling was both soothing and tantalizing at the same time. My own hands brushed slowly up his arms as he leaned my head back to deepen our kiss. His tongue was inside my mouth, moving slowly, exploring.
Our bodies drew together, as if on matching magnetic fields. I walked slowly backward and Edward followed, our bodies never lost their solid connection. It never seemed to be enough with us; I wanted to curl my whole being into him. I would permanently fuse our souls together and maybe then the deep burning, the need would be satiated.
The backs of my knees met the bed and I allowed myself to fall onto it. Edward fell with me, all the while cradling my body with his arms, absorbing all of the impact. I was underneath him, his body pressed to mine, yet I felt none of his weight, only slight pressure and the delicious current that pulsed between us.
"I love you Edward Cullen," I said breathlessly as I pulled away to look into his eyes. The expression he returned was one I wanted to see everyday for the rest of my life. It was so full of love, so exponentially glorious in its reverence. His bright orbs were deep pools of sincerity as he smiled down at me and my heart quickened.
"As do I you, Isabella Cullen, more then you will ever know." He pulled his right hand from underneath me and pushed the soft pads of his fingertips along my hairline, brushing wayward hairs back into place.
"You have made me a better man; my life is not complete without you. You are mine and I am yours and we will be together forever." His words were like song lyrics, my own personal ballad, and I drank them in. I pushed thoughts of what together forever might mean for us, how it would be accomplished – those are things to worry about for another time. For now I wanted to focus on the miraculous creature that was professing himself to me.
"Oh, Edward, what did I do to deserve you?" I kissed up and down his fingers, along his arm and shoulder and then over to his face.
"I think you have that backwards," he chuckled softly.
I slowed my movements, making the kisses longer, more sensual. He hummed in response and I traced my tongue along his jaw line. Edward placed both hands on either side of my face and pulled his away, I whimpered in response.
"Hold very still," he instructed and I nodded and smiled, giddy at the game he wanted to play. He lifted my head so it was facing toward the ceiling. I felt the tip of his nose at my chin first and he nipped lightly with his lips. Painfully slow, he trailed nipping kisses and licks down my neck as his body slid with him. The feel of him against me drove me crazy and I struggled to stay as still as possible, knowing if I moved too much he would start all over.
His hands finally let my head free as they followed after his body and I relaxed my neck into a more comfortable position. He continued his light nuzzling and kissing overtop my shirt, directly down the middle of my body. Past my collarbone, between my breasts, and he was very careful not to touch the sensitive parts I yearned for him to grab. His nose stopped at button of my jeans, but his hands still moved slowly, catching up to his head.
Edward applied the slightest pressure with the balls of his palms and they drug over my shoulders. As they crested over my breasts I gasped, the anticipation and longing intensified the sensation ten fold. My nipples were erect and every single nerve ending ignited at the feel of his hands; despite the fact that it was through a shirt and a bra.
Edward's fingers tickled along my ribs and I bit hard into my lip, stifling a laugh and trying to keep my body from moving. Finally his hands met with his face and he dipped one long cool finger under the hem on my shirt, eliciting another gasp from within me. The wonderful torture continued as he leisurely lifted my shirt from my stomach, pushing his hands back up my body, the shirt moving with him.
My skin vibrated under his touch and then I felt his tongue licking circles at the edge of my jeans. His hands stopped just below the wire of my bra, and that halting coupled with his tongue on my skin so close to where I wanted it most was too much. I felt as if I might self combust and I whimpered.
"Edward…please." My voice was rough and laced with want. He laughed his sweet melodic laugh against my skin and I couldn't help but smile. I would take this kind of torture ever hour of every day. He sat up, his eyes hooded with a lustful expression and I lifted my body so that he could remove my shirt. His lips planted kisses on mine and I licked at his, showing my need.
Locked in another passionate kiss, Edward's movements became more frantic, more purposeful. He pulled the clasp of my bra open with the flick of two fingers and I giggled into his mouth as the garment fell between us. Then his lips were everywhere, feverishly, he kissed and licked along my collarbone and then down to my breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked lightly, pulling and elongating it. My hands fisted into his hair as my hips bucked involuntarily into the air.
I pulled at his hair as he sucked harder onto my nipple and took the other one in between his fingers, pinching lightly.
"Oh God, fuck … me… Edward…" The words came out in a slow moan before my brain had a chance to filter and he froze momentarily, glancing up at me his eyes blazed with passion. His face nuzzled back into my skin and his hands, even more frantic then before, popped the button open on my jeans and began to push them down my legs as he planted kisses down my stomach. I writhed beneath him, my skin on fire from his touch, the delicate skin in between my legs burned brilliantly for him.
Slowing his pace, Edward looked into my eyes, his chin resting between my legs as he gave me the most devilish grin and I squirmed. He pulled my black cotton underwear slowly from my hips, exposing the curly hair that covered me. The cool air hit between my thighs as he pulled the panties further down my legs, cooling the scorching skin there. Edward kissed slowly along my thigh and then planted one chaste kiss directly in the center of me. I sucked in a breath and concentrated on not moving.
The feel of his tongue against my clitoris shot arcs of light from my toes to my eyes and back down again. The room got brighter all at once, a white out of my vision, and my eyes rolled back in my head.
I moaned in response, my body's attempt to free some of the tension building. Edward hummed into me as he kissed and sucked at the most sensitive parts. I felt my stomach tightening, the muscles becoming rigid and my legs began to shake from the intensity.
"Oh, Edward…" I was pushing my hips up into him now and I could feel that I was close. He placed his hands on my hips, stilling them and moaned into me, vibrating my skin and that sent me over the edge. I plummeted into the deep sea of elation and rode out the waves that thrashed me mercilessly. Before I could come down from my high, Edward was on top of me, his eyes impossibly darker with lust, full of need and I kissed him deeply, tasting my arousal on his tongue.
"Bella," he sang, "I need you … now."
I pulled his shirt from over his head, only breaking our kiss for a split second and then our mouths were together again. My hands clambered down to his pants, no where nearly as elegant as his motions had been. The semsation of his cold marble chest, somehow soft, against my own skin stirred my own desires and I could feel that familiar need build in me again.
I panted against his mouth as I freed him of his pants and boxers.
Edward stared longingly into my eyes and I felt his long hard length against me, I lifted my hips to cause the wanted friction against him and he gasped at the feel of my warm moisture running along his erection. His hands moved behind my knees and he bent my legs, opening them wider.
"I love you Bella," he said breathlessly.
"I love you Edward," and I had never uttered truer words.
Then he was inside of me. Edward and I were one, the way our bodies always yearned for each other. We were a perfect fit as he pushed into me, stretching me, filling me. He moved rhythmically in and out and I raised my hips to meet his, creating more friction. The pressure of him inside of me was all encompassing; it sent waves of pleasure through my whole body. His motions quickened and I matched his pace, my muscles tightened again.
"Bella…" he moaned into my ear and the sound of his voice in such ecstasy – saying my name tipped the scale and I spilled over; sweet release flooded through me once more. Edward followed close behind and I felt him empty into me as I pulsed around him.
"Edward…" I whispered, "I love you." He kissed my nose and smiled down at me, an unfathomable expression in his eyes.
"I love you two Bella Cullen."
I opened my eyes to the meadow once again, and I stared up at wispy clouds, the sun past the highest point in the sky. I was startled that I had fallen back to sleep, and it now looked to be the afternoon. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up.
"Edward?" I said in a yawn and looked around disoriented.
"I love you Bella," he said, still looking at flowers that he had plucked from the earth, most now lay discarded on the ground around him. I looked over to him and smiled, but my smile faded when I saw his expression; he looked pained.
"Edward? What's wrong?" He sat idle, not responding and my breathing caught in my lungs. I yearned to go to him, to wrap myself around him and kiss his face, but something in his expression kept me rooted to the earth.
"Do you remember our wedding day?" He asked, his expression changed and a smile played on his lips.
"Yes," I responded simply, confused by his shift in moods. He looked up to me and then his gaze rested on the trees behind me, lost in thought. His smile broadened and he sighed, shaking his head.
"You looked so beautiful that day, I felt like the luckiest man on earth."
I felt me cheeks pink and I looked away, embarrassed but flattered.
"Thank you," I said meekly, picking at the hem of my blouse.
"You made me whole," he continued, "You took a broken beast and turned me back into a man… giving me a true reason to exist. Thank you Isabella, you mean more to me then you will ever know."
Tears welled in my eyes at his words. They were so sweet and meaningful, and yet I couldn't help feel that they were laced with sadness, but why? It sounded as if he was saying goodbye. My breathing accelerated at this thought and my hands began to sweat instantly.
"Edward, what is it, why are you telling me this?" My voice was panicked and I tried desperately to calm myself. He looked away from me and back to the flowers littered about his feet. He picked one up and placed it to his nose, inhaling.
"It's never the same," he muttered. My brain tried fast to decipher what he was saying, but it didn't seem to be able to keep up.
"I don't know what to do," he dropped his head into his hands and pulled at his hair.
"Edward, you're scaring me, what's happened… why don't you know what to do?" My heart was racing; it felt as if it might burst out of my chest.
"I need you to tell me what to do Bella, please." His voice was so pained and the tears poured from me. I tired desperately to move to him, to shake him, but I couldn't move from my spot. Whether it was from fear or shock, I was frozen in place.
"Edward, please, just talk to me, tell me what it is!" I shouted through my sobs, I felt close to hyperventilation.
"I miss you Bella." Edward collapsed into the ground then, his shoulders heaving in dry broken sobs. He was crying, crying the only way a vampire could. My head was spinning, his words didn't make any sense and he was frightening me.
"I'm right here!" I shouted, and then made a movement towards him. My body didn't feel right, I felt disjointed as I rushed to Edward. I reached my hand out to grab his face and I passed straight through him, falling to the ground. I stared at the grass beneath me in disbelief. Why had he ghosted away from me? I pounded my fist into the ground angrily and sobbed harder. Then I heard his tearless sobs right at my side and I realized he hadn't moved. I sat up slowly and looked down at his broken form, crumpled to the ground.
"Edward?" I asked, but he did not respond.
"Edward, what is it?" I tried to make my voice soothing, and once again reached for him. I went to place my hand against his back, but instead I watched in horror as it passed through him completely.
"I need you Bella; I can't live without you… tell me what to do." He cried through exasperated sobs. Live without me. I scurried away from him, my chest heaving as I struggled for air. This can't be.
"Edward?" I tried again, only to be met with his quiet weeping. I felt my body go cold, all the feeling drained from it as realization over took me. Edward couldn't hear me, because I wasn't there… I was dead.
"No, no, no," I cried. "This can't be!!" My body collapsed to the ground only feet from Edwards and I beat my fists into the ground again.
"How did this happen?" I screamed at the top of my lungs and then Edward stopped weeping.
"Bella?" his voice came out a feeble moan and I barely heard him over my own cries.
"Edward… can you hear me!!" I shouted, moving closer to him. He sucked in a deep breath and sat up, looking to the sky.
"I feel you around me all the time. It's as if you're still here, but I can't see you."
"I am here, Edward, I'm right here!" I shrieked, hoping it would go through.
"The night you died I was so close to following right behind you… however possible, but – I couldn't…" he trailed off and I stared at him in disbelief.
"How, Edward? How did I die?" I was frustrated, why could I not remember my own death?
Edward sat quietly for a long time and the sun sank lower in the sky. After what seemed like hours I decided to try. I was here for a reason, if only to say goodbye, there had to be a way to get through to him. I thought of our ever present electrical current and wondered if that would be enough.
I made my way to him, sitting at his side and he instantly rested his weight in my direction. I lifted one hand slowly, the pale skin caught my eye and I examined it briefly. It didn't look any different to me, it wasn't translucent or even paler then normal, not the way I would expect a ghost to appear. Knowing I couldn't touch him, I kept my hand at the side of his face, holding my own muscles up. It was an odd feeling at first, trying to hold my own weight in one spot where you would expect resistance. Then slowly, I began to feel that familiar hum. Edward leaned his head into where my hand would be and he smiled.
"I feel you now, are you there now Bella?" My lungs tightened around a sharp intake of air as I sucked in a large breath, he felt me.
"Yes, yes, I'm right here!" I began to cry again, the totality of everything settled on my shoulders as I thought; never again will I touch this man, feel his skin beneath my fingers, or feel the full hum that would pass between us. I'll never feel his soft hair in my hands or his lips against mine. He would live forever and I was dead - not even the hope of an afterlife to rely on. Edward frowned slightly and sighed, and I felt a fresh wave of pain for him.
I couldn't imagine how he must have felt, he didn't really know if I was there, and I could see it on his features that he thought he was fooling himself.
I had to do something to let him know for sure, but what? I steeled my nerves and moved my body directly over his, sitting where he was sitting but facing him. I curled my knees into my chest and hugged them as if I was hugging him and spoke.
"Edward, I'm right here, I love you so much and I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore." I tried to hold it together as best as possible, focusing my energy outward, into him. I felt the slight hum grow and blossom into a current that passed back and forth between us and Edward gasped.
"Bella," he said in disbelief. "Is that you?"
I smiled and focused every ounce of energy I had out of my body. I imagined it in ribbons of white. Pushing out from my body and curling itself around Edward, hugging and soothing him where I no longer could.
"I feel warm," he whispered.
"I love you." I said as I closed my eyes, and felt the intensity grow. Edward gasped again and then he let out another broken dry sob.
"I love you too Bella."
I froze, he had heard me? Elation filled every pore of my being and the electricity between us buzzed to life at full wattage. I sat back slightly, trying not to loose the connection, but wanting to see his face. I held out my hands so they still 'touched' him and slid backward. I was happy that I could still feel the full intensity of the connection.
"Edward, can you hear me?" I tired and he smiled as his eyes closed.
"Yes, Bella I can hear you." His voice was once again musical, soothing me in everyway.
"I'm sitting right in front of you; my hands are touching your chest." He lifted his hands and placed them directly over mine on his chest. I could almost feel his soft skin against mine and tears pricked my eyes again. No, I can't cry, I need to keep my energy on him.
"Bella, I have missed you so…"
My stomach knotted at his words, I had just only come to this revelation, how long had he beared this burden of living without me?
"How long?" was all I could get out. He took a deep breath and cast his face downward.
"Eight months, I come here everyday hoping to… well I don't know what I've been hoping for." I tried desperately not to cry; 8 months, how could that be?
"How did it happen?" I choked out, and then reminded myself I had to focus if I wanted to keep talking to him. He frowned then and seemed to be thinking of what to tell me.
"You don't know?" he asked.
"No."
"What do you remember?"
"My last memory is of us after we came back from our honeymoon." My voice sounded weary and I began to feel drained from pushing my energy outward.
"That's the last thing you remember? You were still alive long after our honeymoon." He sounded confused and he opened his eyes, it looked like he was looking right at me.
"Can you see me?" I asked.
"No," he said and he looked like he might break again. "Oh, Bella I wish I could, I want to look into those deep brown eyes, I want to kiss your soft skin, I want to see your cheeks flush crimson."
My heart broke for him and I knew I was at least blessed to be able to look into his eyes once more.
My brain tried desperately to scrape for memories; I was alive long after our honeymoon? My last memory was only a few days after we returned. I felt my energy wavering, my connection growing weak and that caused me to become flustered, feeling our time slipping away.
"Edward, how long was it after our honeymoon, weeks, months, years?"
"Months," he said and I lost it, the air leaving my lungs. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, months? I was missing months of my last memories with Edward, it wasn't fair.
"Why!" I cried, not necessarily to Edward, but to whatever God had granted us that last time together. To whatever being had allowed me to wake there, in that meadow, with that man… why?!
"Bella, what did you say I can't hear you very well anymore." He sounded a little frantic as well and I could feel my hold slipping.
"Edward I love you, I will always love you!" I shouted in between sobs.
"Oh Bell," he cried, "I love you with all of my heart and soul, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry, so sorry that I wasn't good enough." His dry weeping returned, letting a rush of emotion out that he seemed to have bottled up.
Then it was gone; the current - even the slight hum, I couldn't conjure it anymore. But I still sat huddle next to him, broken and completely drained. We both sat together and cried for a long time until the sun crested the horizon, casting long shadows of the forest across our bodies. Edward had calmed and I was tortured by the fact that he probably thought I had gone, yet I sat right at his side. Is this what it will be like, will I be with him for eternity and he'll have no clue?
"Daddy?" I heard a small voice speak and my head snapped up. Oh God, he has a child? My brain was a kaleidoscope of thoughts as I tired to make sense of how this would be possible.
"Yes, Nessie?" Edward spoke, and I'd never heard his voice so soft, so gentle, and so neutering. I forced my gaze to his face, my mouth hung slack for lack of words. Edward was looking over my shoulder with an expression of happiness and wonder, only a tinge of sadness still traceable in his eyes.
"Why do you look so sad?" The child's voice was like wind chimes on a warm summer's day; dancing in the breeze, it's melody rising lightly through the air. I swallowed, trying to force the lump that had formed from my throat.
"I'm happy now that you're here." Edward cooed soothingly to his child. His child; my brain refused to process that information. How could Edward have a child? Slowly, I turned my body and moved my gaze to fall on the child that had spoken.
My eyes grew wide as I took in the small frame of the girl standing less than 5 feet behind me. She was beautiful, more than beautiful - she looked like an angle. Her hair fell in soft delicate ringlets down her back, capturing rays of the sun and copper danced through the strands like Edward's. She had Edward's straight perfect nose, but her face was soft and round unlike Edward's sharp cut features.
Her skin was a light ivory color and it looked soft and pliable, unlike Edward's marbled skin. I took in each feature slowly, individually trying to place each one. She looked to be about four years old, and although she shared Edward's ungodly beauty, I watched in astonishment as a slight blush pinked her round cheeks. She skipped lightly towards us and
I drew in an audible breath when I examined her eyes. Like her coloring skin, they were not a vampire's eyes. They were big and round and held a very familiar feeling as I stared into their deep chocolate pools. Tears pricked my own eyes and I felt a hollow sob emit from my chest as my brain finally allowed me to see the truth. Those were Charlie's eyes – they were my eyes.
This was our daughter.
I let my walls crumble as the small girl trotted over to Edward and dropped into his lap. The tears came furiously as I watched him hold her and she nestled deep into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and breathed her in, contentment covering his face.
"Edward?" I wept, hoping he might hear me, but I knew the buzz was missing and he wouldn't.
"What were you doing here?" The girl asked Edward.
"I was talking with Mommy." The child's eyes grew wide at his words and I looked on breathlessly as tears filled them.
"Mommy?" she whispered.
"Yes Renesme, she was here and I spoke with her." Edward's voice was sad, but apparently thankful for the fleeting moments we spoke.
"Renesme…" I whimpered and a fresh round of tears spilled over. We named our daughter Renesme, how beautiful.
"Do you think I could talk to Mommy?" Renesme asked timidly, wiping the tears from her eyes. Edward held her tighter and sighed into her hair, unsure what to say. I watched in amazement as that fragile little girl steeled herself and prepared for his response. She was so strong, I could already see that.
I needed to be that strong, for her. Just as I felt there was a reason I was able to communicate with Edward, there had to be a way – my daughter needed to know I love her. I stood and walked to where they sat, placing myself as if my knees would be touching Edward's. I closed my eyes and took in deep breaths, concentrate. I focused on pushing all of my energy outward towards them and I reached my arms out, placing them at either of their chests. I felt the light hum and it fortified me more, I can do this.
I pushed harder and felt the energy grow again; I could feel it like a bubble now. I could
force it outward around them, but I couldn't push too hard or it would pop, snapping back into me. Once I felt the energy cover over both of them I smiled and drew in a cleansing breath as I opened my eyes. I heard Edward pull in a breath first and hold it, not wanting to alarm Renesme. Then I saw her eyes widen again and she looked into Edward's face.
"What is that?" she asked.
"What does it feel like?"
"My skin feels funny, and the air feels thicker."
Edward nodded at her and I took that as my cue.
"Renesme?" I said softly, not wanting to startle her. Her head shot up away from Edward's gaze and she searched the perimeter of the meadow. She looked back at Edward who was smiling down at her.
"Go ahead, its okay." He encouraged.
"M..mommy?" she asked and my heart both broke and soared at the same time. This was my daughter, I was her mother. A million thoughts fluttered through my head of why I didn't remember, why 8 months later was I being aloud this time and I pushed them out of my mind. I needed to focus on them because I felt with the waning light of day that our time was coming to an end.
"Yes baby, I'm right in front of you." Tears fell effortlessly from my eyes. Renesme held her hand out to where I was and I was unprepared for what happened next. All at once the energy level spiked and I felt the bubble harden, then my head was filled with visions.
I saw what looked to be the inside of a womb and the loving thoughts and words I would croon to her. I saw my face, hallow and dying, kiss her and tell her I loved her. I saw Edward standing over my lifeless body, praying out loud for it to 'not be too late' and for the transformation to have worked. I gasped as I realized these visions were from Renesme's point of view; these were the things she had seen.
I saw The Cullen family; Rosalie and Alice's smiling faces. I saw her playing with Jacob and Carlisle giving her routine check-ups to chart her rapid growth. I saw Edward reading to her and humming her to sleep like he used to do for me. She had showed me everything I wanted to know and the picture had become clearer.
"Oh Renesme, I'm sorry I can't be there for you baby. I miss you terribly, but know that I love you more then anything." I was still crying and I looked at Edward then and saw the anguish on his face, he had seen what she had shown me too.
"I know Mommy," Renesme nodded and then showed a vision of me holding tightly onto her until the life passed from my body. Edward had tried to save me, to change me, but I had lost too much blood and it was too late.
"Edward," I cried.
"Bella, I love you. We have the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. She's so much like you," he laughed through his sobs. "Whenever I find myself missing you too much all I have to do is look into her perfect face and tell her stories of you and it's like you're still here." Renesme rubbed her hand across Edwards's cheek and he kissed it.
"Bella, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I was too late… it was..."
"Edward – it's not your fault." I said with a new determination as I felt the walls of my bubble weakening.
"Listen I don't think I have much time left, but I want you to know one thing."
His shoulders slumped and he pressed his forehead against Renesme, borrowing strength from her.
"It wasn't your fault, don't blame yourself. I made the choice and I knew the consequences." As I spoke memories flooded back to me of the day I found out I was pregnant. The fights we had about the dangers. The day Edward heard Renesme's thoughts and fell in love with her too. It all came rushing back and I knew it was the right thing.
"And as I watch you with that beautiful little girl cradled in your lap, I know I made the right choice. I love you both so much and I want you both to remember that. I would give myself for either of again in a heartbeat." I had stopped crying now, feeling the truth to my words. I was past feeling sorry for myself and knew that I had given my life so that this little girl could live hers.
"Bella, I love you with all of my soul, and we will be together again someday."
The walls of my bubble wavered and the sun had almost set behind the earth, this was it, I could feel it. "I don't have much longer now."
I moved myself closer to them and rested my head on my legs. I felt terrified of what was going to happen to me next, where I would end up. But I knew to my core that if it meant those two could go on then I would be at peace. Edward was right, we would find each other again one day.
"Mommy, thank you, thank you for being so strong for me. Aunt Alice gave me a scrapbook with pictures of you and Daddy. I look at it everyday and I talk to you. You will always be in my heart, and I will love you always." She put her small chubby fingers against her mouth and kissed them releasing the kiss to me. I took it and placed it in my pocket to keep.
"You look at those pictures and remember that your Mommy loves you so much. If I ever can, I will come back to you, but no matter what I will always be watching over you."
"I will come back to this meadow everyday, if you can speak with me again, I'll be waiting." Edward said with an air of determination.
"No Edward, live your life. If I can make contact again I will find you, I promise. For now you have to know that I love you more then anything and I always will, no matter where I am." Holes began to form in the bubble and I grew weak, my body wanted to lie down and sleep.
"I love you, my sweet Bella. Don't forget what I told you; you made me whole, and you gave me something to live for." With that he kissed Renesme's head again and I knew it was true. He was a man who was alone and had nothing but an eternity to deal with it - he now had something, a reason to be.
I smiled and laid my head down on the soft grass once more. I felt myself slipping away and I knew it was time.
"I love you both so much," I whispered. Then I was floating into the air, as I watched the loves of my life embrace. A feeling of tranquility settled through me and I closed my eyes, letting go.
P.S. only on chapter 4 of TLB, so if anyone's read it please don't give me any spoilers. k - thnx. :)
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